Mother's Work

by Annette Dendle

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Marcus and Annette Dendle

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I work as a mother, not for money and not just for my own kids. For the past five years I've been a volunteer respite carer for families in New South Wales (Family Link) and Victoria (Interchange). Two of my sons are grown up and live away from home. My other three kids, all teenagers now, live with me and their dad, Peter.

Home is a three-quarter acre property in the mountains, 110 kilometres out of Wodonga. Its a great place for us to share with the kids who come here for discipline and love. I grew up on a farm and I carry on all the old traditions with anybody who's around to join in. Things like picking blackberries, bottling fruit, looking after animals and making cakes with freshly laid eggs. We've got ducks and chooks and a three-legged dog. Sometimes I've had 3 or 4 kids to care for here on a weekend along with my own three teenagers.

The whole family welcomes the newcomers. Especially my daughter, Natalie. She's 13 and very domesticated. When we bring kids here, she mothers them. She's got a lovely nature and she's there to help anybody. She can see that they need love. Like a girl who ended up staying with us for about 10 months last year. She was pretty full-on. Her home life was tough. Her family was going through a rough patch. She had a disability too. She just became part of our family. She's rejoined her own family now and they're getting along fine. Sometimes the kids need respite from the parents just as much as the other way around.

Parents can go through hell trying to work out how to support their kids. Especially when the kids have problems. I learnt that the hard way and Id hate for anybody to go through what we went through with Marcus. Now we know that he has dyslexia and he's getting the support he needs at school and he's doing well and he's happy and well adjusted, but for a long time he couldn't cope well and was neglected at school. Seven or eight years ago, because of his difficulties with reading and writing, he used to be withdrawn and frustrated and a real troublemaker at primary school. I know how a basically good kid like Marcus can get all stirred up with frustration and I know the suffering that that can bring to a parent. That's why I'm willing and able to help other kids with problem behaviours. I understand where they're coming from. Its just great to have Marcus happy now and successful at high school and its wonderful that I'm linked into supporting other kids.

None of this would have happened without Cooinda. Eight years ago, I was at the point when I was ready to break into pieces. The local primary school teacher was telling me that Marcus was an idiot. His learning difficulties had been picked up when he was at kindergarten and in Prep and Grade 1 there had been support for him, but once he hit Grade 2/3 there was no more understanding. Fortunately for us, I found out about Cooinda and got Sue Pringle as my advocate. With her help we got psychological tests done that showed that Marcus has dyslexia. The words on the page look scrambled to him and it was extra hard for him to read and write. With coloured sheets of plastic over the page he could manage better. He also got benefit out of Irene glasses with orange lenses. We got an Integration Aide to assist him at school. Not that I was ever happy with that place. It was a very small country school with only 20 or so kids. They weren't set up to deal with any kind of disability. By the time Marcus got to Year 6, the Principal went to a conference on dyslexia. She came back a full bottle on the subject. But it was a bit late for us.

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Marcus Dendle

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Contact: Cooinda Family Support Group